Intro

I'm not a writer by any means, but lately I have had this urge to just give up, to just let it all go and scream. Not out of weakness or pain, just scream out of confusion, that of not knowing where I am in life right now or where I'm heading. So I decided to isolate myself for some time on this little island off the coast of Hawaii, some time alone to reflect back on my life and maybe along the way pick up a few peaces to this puzzle which has become, well... my life. By doing so, who knows? I might be able to make sense of it all, I may end up realizing what it is I should be doing with my life, how I should be living it and where exactly I should actually be.

Maybe by going back and living it all again in detail I might find peace within myself, peace of mind as they say, I might find what my father once referred to as the essence to a truly happy life. As cheesy and cliche as this may sound, this is the story of my life, hopefully if I don't wipe out on some wave and drown in the days to come or get eaten by a tiger shark I'll be able to tell it all, but then again I have never been good at finishing things I start, time will tell.

A few words

Why not type this and save it for myself, or in a notebook or something? Why online and why on earth make this all public? I owe it to myself to be honest with a few people that have been part of my life for such a long time. I owe it to those that have made life for me a reality, made things possible, people who have shaped me, one way or another. Maybe some of them will understand why I had to do what I did at some point, why I said some of the things I may have said. I owe it to myself to be honest and open and not be afraid of getting judged or misunderstood anymore. I just owe this to so many people and it really can't do me any harm just being me.

It's funny, sitting out here on the porch over looking the beach, moon in sight, I wonder if I'll just wake up tomorrow morning and delete all this, I might but till that happens I'll just share my life with you, whoever you are. I can't expect this to be exciting, seeing the world through my eyes, living what I lived through, I mean if you're completely and utterly anti social this may amuse you, it may even possibly move you, if not then hey, I told you I was no writer.

To all those I love, I miss you, especially my family.

Mom, Dad, lil angel, I can't begin to express how much I miss you...I can only cry so much, I can only miss you so much....life has never been the same without you all apart of it, really has not. Bro, I've done a crap load of stupid things in my life time, I get it, never could figure out why you would always stick by my side though, i get that too now, I love you.

Ben, Lee, Fran, you guys are family, forever and always, nothing no matter what will ever change that. To all my close friends, deep down I have always needed you more than you have needed me, you put up with me and my slightly skewed ways, you were always there no matter how shitty or fucked up a situation it was, you know how much that means to me, thank you.

In three words some dude I can't remember who once said, life goes on...and as that cowboy of a stubborn brother like friend of mine, Lee, once said...It just is.... Yeah, I love me a good rant.